A good way to think of actual foreplay, then, is to disregard the fore and concentrate on playfulness. Think of it as anything that you and your partner(s) engage in to turn each other on and set the mood, no matter what happens before or afterward. “Foreplay is about creating a mood that is conducive to being physical and wanting sex,” says sex therapist Madeline Cooper, LCSW, CST. “Making sure that your relationship is incorporating sexually arousing moments outside of the moments right before sex is just as important as the sex itself.” “Pleasure is experienced through the body and more specifically through the body’s sensations. Therefore, when looking for inspiration for foreplay, the most direct place to find it is through the senses,” therapist Bri Shewan, LMFT, tells mbg. “Begin looking into each other’s eyes. Stare into the nondominant eye, which is the left eye if you are right-handed. Stare for at least 5 minutes or however long you wish,” Adolphe instructs. “This will build a connection and help both of you open up and want to go deeper into lovemaking.” (Here’s our full guide to tantric sex, BTW.) (We’ve got all the sexting ideas for you, here.) “When my clients talk about difficulty with arousal, I ask about their sexual script, and most of my heterosexual couples turn right to PIV intercourse after some kissing,” Madeline Cooper says. “I will ask them if they went to a restaurant and there was only one dish on the menu, if they would get bored after a while. Most say admittedly yes, and I will ask them why they do the same thing during sexual experiences.” To offset this, Cooper recommends creating a long and diverse sexual menu featuring all sorts of sex acts other than intercourse. “Create a menu where you can do things other than PIV, and where intercourse is not always the expectation.”
