According to licensed psychotherapist Antranique Neblett, LCSW, emotionally unavailable people often find ways to avoid serious or emotional conversations, which then creates an intimacy barrier (not just physically) and never truly allows the relationship to mature to its fullest. Sometimes emotional unavailability is temporary: “This may be due to a shifting of priorities, where the individual is unable to give time and attention to feelings of their own and their partner,” explains Neblett. Some examples include the death of a loved one, work obligations, or healing from an injury. Similarly, trauma can greatly affect a person’s psyche and may cause someone to keep their guard up to protect themselves against getting hurt. Trauma can oftentimes be traced to someone’s childhood or previous relationships where they learned suppressing their emotions could help them survive a situation, Gatling explains. If a person’s emotional unavailability is a trauma response, it can usually be worked through and healed over time. While being emotionally unavailable is usually a choice, sometimes a mental health issue can also “prevent someone from being able to recognize their own feelings, let alone those of people who care about them,” adds Neblett. Confronting someone about this can be a double-edged sword, says Neblett. “Pointing out someone’s flaws who may not believe they have any can backfire,” she warns. “The person may begin to turn things around on their partner and potentially sabotage the relationship.” It’s important to remember that fixing someone else’s problem is a difficult task and is not encouraged. You can voice your observations or concern, but you can’t demand change or try to change someone yourself. That’s something they’ll have to do on their own. RELATED: Emotionally Unavailable: What It Means & 15 Signs To Look For Over time, a person can begin to internalize their emotionally unavailable partner’s behaviors and become depressed. “Sometimes a wall may go up for the partner, and now you have two emotionally unavailable people in a relationship,” explains Neblett. “Commonly, the partner conforms to the behaviors and carries on in the relationship.” If you feel your behavior or character shifting in a way you don’t like because of the relationship dynamic you’re in, it’s worth considering whether this is the right relationship for you at this time. (More on that later.) You will notice a change when you take a step back and release the responsibility. RELATED: The Best Online Couples’ Therapy Services Of 2022 With Licensed Clinicians Then, you must stop expending so much of your own energy and give them the space to show up. It can’t be an ultimatum, says Gatling, and if that’s the place you’re in, it’s a sign you’ve already stayed too long. Sometimes you have to ask yourself whether you would be happy if your partner’s behavior were to continue after a certain amount of time. In exploring that question, you will find your answer. If you’re on the fence, here are signs it’s time to end a relationship. As Neblett explains, it’s time to remove yourself from a relationship when:
