These emotions may lead to one common behavior: make-up sex. But is this the best way to “fix” that residual awkwardness? On a recent episode of the mindbodygreen podcast, psychologists John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., authors of The Love Prescription and founders of the Gottman Institute, share their expert POV on the matter—here’s a quick summary of what they said. “The distance creates fear, it creates insecurity, and it creates anxiety,” she adds. These emotions can make either partner feel a need to immediately reconcile the lost connection, and sex is one way that couples tend to feel close and truly loved, Julie explains. Of course, sex isn’t important to all relationships, but especially if you and your partner prioritize physical intimacy, it might seem like the one thing you two can agree on at the moment—but is it actually going to patch up the open wound? Long story short: Sex is not off the table entirely, but it shouldn’t be the only form of apology or reassurance. So either before or after you hop in bed and start having sex, use other words and actions to remind your partner that you love them. For even more connection, cuddle afterward. John references one study that looked at 70,000 people across 24 countries (detailed in the book The Normal Bar) and identified common patterns between couples who self-reported great sex lives and those who didn’t. One of the findings? “Of the couples that didn’t cuddle in all those countries, 96% of them had an awful sex life. Only 4% of the non-cuddlers had a great sex life,” John notes. Suffice it to say, cuddling may be just as important to your sex life as the act itself, both for reconciliation and a healthy sex life in general.
