“Like any conversation with anyone about a label they may choose to describe their experience, it is best to ask that person what that label means to them and not assume their experience,” recommends therapist Christa McCrorie, LICSW-PIP. It is also worth noting that the way people use bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual can have some overlap. Two people may think very similarly about their sexualities, and yet one may call themselves bi and the other pan. It is largely about which label speaks best to an individual person and which label they feel most comfortable with. “It’s important to remember that behavior and desire do not make someone a particular identity. People have to choose and identify with a label as well for it to be valid for them,” says couples and sex therapist Kyle Zrenchik, Ph.D., ACD, LMFT, of the All In Therapy Clinic. Bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual are all examples of non-monosexual identities (monosexual referring to attraction to just one gender, as opposed to attraction to more than one gender). The term “bi+” is often used as an “umbrella term” that covers all non-monosexual sexualities, such as pansexuality and polysexuality. “Polyamory is the practice of and openness for being in intimate/romantic relationships with different partners at once, whereas polysexual is a sexual attraction to many but not all genders,” says Jose Ramirez, LMHC, a therapist with The Psychology Group. “Polysexuals are not necessarily interested in polyamory, and people who practice polyamory do not all identify as polysexual.” As a person dating someone who is polysexual, you should be open and sensitive when discussing their sexuality. Avoid making negative assumptions. For instance, the stereotype about all non-monosexual people is that they’re hypersexual, promiscuous, or more likely to cheat. In reality, a polysexual person is no more likely to cheat on you than anyone else. People who are polysexual may be extra sensitive to suggestions that they’re not to be trusted, due to these societal messages that they receive about people under the bi+ umbrella. Be mindful of this context and give your partner a secure space to vent about their frustrations. “Curiosity wrapped in compassion is often a means of showing support,” says Lori Lawrenz, PsyD, of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. Additionally, speak up if you hear people spreading myths about the promiscuity of polysexual and other non-monosexual people. Labeling our sexualities can be incredibly helpful in identifying other people to start building community based on common life experiences, although some people also feel discomfort with publicly claiming a label. If you think that polysexuality might describe you, then you can always test out how it feels to start using the label. Nothing and no one can stop you if you end up feeling that it’s not quite right, or if you feel that you need to add another label on top to further clarify your feelings.
