According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) will have at least 55% of the most common narcissistic traits, including entitlement and superiority, an exaggerated need for attention and control, a lack of empathy, and more. If these traits sound all too familiar from what you experienced from your parents in childhood, it’s possible you were raised by narcissists. Here’s how to tell, how to heal, and how to break the cycle, according to experts. On the flip side, those who mirror their parent’s narcissistic traits in adulthood might choose a partner who’s mild-mannered or passive in an attempt to be in control themselves, Behary says. (The counterpart or opposite of a narcissist is sometimes referred to as an echoist, which tends to attract narcissists.) Additionally, Spinelli says being raised by a narcissist can also lead to: Finding a trusted support group of friends and loved ones can also go a long way in rebuilding your ability to be vulnerable and regain a sense of self. It may also be helpful to learn how to reparent yourself and heal your inner child through what’s known as inner child work. One of the most important factors is allowing your child to experience some separation from you, according to psychoanalyst Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. “There is a stage of child development called separation-individuation during the first three years of life,” Hollman writes in her book Are You Living With a Narcissist? “This is when the child must work out his need to feel close to an admiring mother while also developing a healthy separation where he can tolerate that he is not omnipotent and grandiose.” In other words, allow your child to develop their own identity apart from you, and to feel safe doing so. At the same time, it’s important for parents to set limits–especially if they’re worried about raising a future narcissist. Some parents struggle to discipline, especially those who are people-pleasers as a result of themselves being raised with narcissistic parents. But children require healthy limitations. “The child needs [his mother] to set limits so that he knows how to relate to others in a way that is acceptable,” Hollman writes. “If he is too powerful, he expects that he is entitled to more than a child should have.”
