But what happens when you move on too fast and do not take the necessary time to heal and unpack any issues from the previous relationship? You can end up in what’s known as a rebound relationship. Jumping into a rebound relationship can happen quickly after a breakup. Some people may intentionally seek them out, while others happen to “fall” into one rather unknowingly. People seek out rebound relationships for many reasons. No two people are the same. However, it is typically because the negative emotions of sadness, hurt, anger, guilt, and possibly shame related to the breakup are things they are not ready to deal with. In some cases, people never deal with them, and they take their unhealed selves from one relationship to another. Some people also get into rebound relationships for more petty reasons, such as to try to make their ex jealous. The reason rebound relationships don’t last long is actually related to the reasons heartbroken people seek them out in the first place—because breakups and the feelings that come with them can be hard and difficult to manage. Plainly put, breakups are no fun! They bring up emotions and feelings that can be too much to handle at once. It is not uncommon for people to cry, become depressed, replay the relationship over and over, and be angry, vindictive, and hurt. These behaviors, while valid, can make it hard for a new relationship to survive. It’s important to remember that ending a relationship is still considered a loss. Many people go through the same thoughts and feelings as if someone passed away—therapists call this “the cycle of grief.” Regardless of the circumstances as to why the relationship ended, it needs to be processed in a healthy manner. That often means taking some time and space to reflect on yourself after a relationship ends. I often tell my clients that after a breakup there should be a “detox period,” where it’s all about them. Take as much time as you need to work on yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Figure out who you want to be in the next relationship, and take responsibility for your own healing. This may even include getting professional help. The goal is to make sure you do not bring any of the same baggage from your past relationships into your new one. As a relationship therapist in private practice at KW Couples Therapy, Jackson helps couples heal their relationship, prevent divorce, and keep families together while increasing sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. She has helped countless couples increase their intimacy, learn effective two-way communication, and heal after affairs.
