But another study published in the International Journal of Gynecology & Obstetrics found women were actually having more sex—and generally felt more sexual desire—in the early months of the pandemic. That said, the quality of sex had gotten worse for women, with researchers finding a “significant deterioration” in women’s sexual functioning, which includes things like arousal, lubrication, and ability to orgasm. Together, these diverging studies suggest there are many different ways the pandemic has affected sex, which dovetails with what sex therapists have been telling us about the complex relationship between stress and libido. For some people, stress can tank your sex drive—but for others, sex can be a go-to stress reliever. “It is possible that women with low sexual desire share a similar outcome but have followed unique trajectories to get to this point,” the researchers write in the paper on their findings, suggesting that there needs to be a more nuanced approach to supporting women based on what type of low sexual desire they’re experiencing. “Studies like these provide valuable insights to health care providers who may otherwise dismiss a woman’s waning sexual desire as a natural part of aging,” NAMS medical director Stephanie Faubion, M.D., MBA, said in a news release. “Often there are other treatable reasons, such as vaginal dryness or depression, as to why a woman’s interest in sex may have decreased.” “When people endorse exchange norms, they give benefits with the expectation of receiving equal or comparable benefits in return and are concerned with keeping track of benefits to keep things even between partners,” researchers wrote in a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior this year. That study found couples who use this approach to sex tended to be less committed to each other, had more negative sexual interactions, and generally seemed to have less satisfying sex when compared to couples whose approach to sex was more about giving pleasure just to give. The researchers also found people with a more avoidant attachment style (aka people who tend to avoid intimacy) were more likely to have that exchange approach. “The development of the child’s sense of self and the child’s understanding of their own and others’ mental states could be thought of as essential skills for a positive and healthy sexuality later on,” the researchers write in the paper on their findings. “These results suggest that, years after having experienced neglect from attachment figures, it can still influence a person’s sexual life through its repercussions on impaired identity.” A lot of past research has found sexual communication is key to good sex, and for couples with depression, talking about sexual desires, challenges, and solutions together is particularly important to make sure sex doesn’t fall by the wayside. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
