Importantly, kink can be experienced through the realm of fantasy, he adds. One does not have to physically enact their desire in order to derive satisfaction from their kink. “Kink is something that one may or may not include in their sexual behavior as a way to enhance pleasure and subjective experience. A fetish is something that primarily defines and is inextricably linked to one’s sexual behavior,” says Zrenchik. A fetish is typically concentrated on an object or a body part, i.e., latex, leather, or feet, whereas a kink could be an action, sex act, behavior, or even dynamic between partners. Fetishes are often all-encompassing and the focal point of a person’s erotic life. A person with a foot fetish, for instance, would not just derive extra pleasure from touching, licking, or seeing feet during sex; instead, they may only want to interact sexually with feet to the exclusion of other things. “They may not engage in any penetrative act at all but will still draw sexual gratification from the act [of interacting with feet],” says Zrenchik. Outside of sex, the word “fetish” is also used to describe a type of object that’s conferred magical powers, and that’s how you can think of it in reference to sex. Some people have objects or body parts that are sexually enticing to them and hold power over them in a way that is out of “the ordinary.” Sex therapist Aliyah Moore, Ph.D., says you can differentiate between the two using this simple quiz: Being hit in a consensual erotic context releases endorphins, which can give participants a real rush, says licensed therapist Ashera DeRosa, LMFT. DeRosa recommends “exploring spanking followed by caresses as a really fun way to explore the sense of touch.” This kink speaks to people who like to experiment with power and sensation. She also recommends reaching out to a kink-friendly therapist or sexuality professional for help in navigating your desires in a healthy and pleasurable way. Above all, it’s most important to keep the lines of communication open with partners when it comes to kinky sex. There is room for things to go wrong if all parties aren’t entirely unashamed and honest with each other.
