Consider those myths debunked. This form of therapeutic treatment involves using a measured approach during sessions with a sex therapist, who will assess any sexual function issues or general intimacy concerns, identify any diagnoses, and create a comprehensive treatment plan, she explains. “We teach specific behavioral exercises to address sexual concerns so that clients learn how to be students of their own and their partner’s sexuality.” Sex—however you define it—is a key aspect of life for many people, both single and partnered. Sex therapists can help you tackle experiences, concerns, and emotions related to issues you have inside and outside the bedroom, explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Laura Berman, LCSW, Ph.D. “It can be for anyone,” she adds, not just for couples. “In fact, I often work with single people who aren’t currently in a relationship but want to work on their intimacy issues before they get into another partnership.” Different sex therapists may have different approaches and different issues or focus areas they specialize in. For example, Berman’s work with clients includes helping them recover from past sexual trauma or overcoming sexual dysfunction. She also helps clients cope with intimacy issues that arise from aging, illness, childbirth, and much more. Skyler’s approach includes helping clients learn to understand the connection between the mind and the body to enhance sexual pleasure, as well as to connect with their desire and arousal to “become more sexually alive.” To create a specific treatment plan for you, your therapist will ask about your sexual history to better understand how your attitude toward sex has been shaped. “As sexual beings, we all carry complex sex histories [that] include lifelong family and societal messages that affect our sexual functioning, body image, and relationships,” Skyler explains. “Sex therapy can help a person explore their past sex history and find solutions to enhance the present and future.” The sessions are often educational and provide techniques to help clients experience more pleasure and sexual satisfaction. Clients receive practical sex therapy homework exercises that are often supplemented with relevant readings and/or videos. What they’ll never do, however, is include or require nudity or sexual behavior in sessions. “I rely mainly on talk therapy,” says Berman. “I never touch my clients in an intimate way. It is a professional therapist/client relationship as in traditional psychotherapy.” Whether you go alone or with a partner, sex therapy can help with common issues such as: “For sex therapy, the therapist will do a thorough assessment of your presenting issue to understand your relationship to intimacy, touch, and sex,” Skyler explains. “The therapist may offer a diagnosis or review of the issue at hand and will spell out some treatment options and approaches.” Because all experiences are unique, she says homework or home “play” is tailored for each individual. “If you’re struggling with low libido or mismatched libidos, for example, your therapist might ask you to take sex off the table for a while,” explains Berman. This takes the pressure off the couple and allows them to start rebuilding their intimacy from the ground up. “That can look like date nights and traditional talk therapy, but in general, we often go much deeper.” In the following sessions, you’ll discuss ways to find a path forward and review insights from the homework exercises. These assignments can include new patterns of communication, says Skyler, or learning how to name and address each other’s needs. “Once the emotional foundation is strongly built, homework can include physical, sensual, and eventually erotic exploration.” As you dive deeper into your sex therapy journey, expect to learn a lot about your body. Berman says you may need to get a hormonal checkup(s), look into medications potentially causing sexual dysfunction, cut back on drinking, or get more active. Still, the expert says sex therapy often goes to our very roots: “To the very first lessons we had around sexuality and sexual pleasure, and learning how to recover from some of these painful and harmful messages and rebuild our self-worth.” “Most importantly,” says Skyler, “sex therapy can help individuals and/or couples cultivate more confidence in their sexual identity and expression so they can live a more sexually fulfilling life.” “The right sex therapist will honor your boundaries, listen to your goals, and be a nonjudgmental positive force for good in your life and in your relationship,” she notes. Here are a few tips for your sex therapist search: Specific licenses will vary from state to state, but typical professions legally allowed to practice psychotherapy include: The largest national organization certifying sexuality professionals is the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), which requires their certified sex therapists to hold licensure and advanced degrees in psychology, medicine, social work, counseling, nursing, or marriage and family therapy. There are also other certifying bodies and universities that offer advanced certificates in sexuality-related fields. Always make sure to do your research. For example, you can check their: For example, she strongly believes that to work with couples, sex therapists should have a solid foundation in couples’ work. That could mean they’re licensed in your state as a marriage and family therapist, or they have additional training in human sexuality and clinical sex therapy, preferably certified by an accredited organization. Likewise, some sex therapists may specialize in specific issues, such as sexless marriages, painful sex, or sexual trauma, or any other number of issues. Try to look for practitioners who have experience with your specific challenge. “During this time, ask questions regarding their clinical approach,” says Skyler. “See if they seem confident in their knowledge but also curious about your experience.” Berman adds that the consultation also gives you the opportunity to see what modalities they use to help address client needs. (Here’s our full guide on how to find a therapist.) “If you crave a meaningful and passionate sex life—and most of us do—you’re probably going to need help at some point in your life with intimacy issues,” she says. “Intimacy issues are normal and also generally fixable.” Wanting or needing sex therapy doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, your relationship, or your preferences. Instead, it can help you lead a satisfying, shame-free life that honors your sexual needs.
