A separation is a time when spouses live apart while still being legally married, and usually it’s a time when the couple is considering whether the marriage can continue or if they should proceed with a divorce. Separation helps to create space and relieve feelings of conflict, disappointment, anger, or sadness. When those feelings are pervasive in a relationship, it can be emotionally and physically exhausting to continue in that space, adds licensed clinical psychologist Melissa Robinson-Brown, Ph.D. So, separation may be necessary to think clearly about the direction a marriage is heading. Robinson-Brown says a separation can even be good for a marriage “if people have similar goals while separated and are either actually doing things to work on the marriage and repair whatever ruptures have occurred or working to divorce amicably.” Robinson-Brown agrees that guidelines are essential when deciding on any type of separation, not just for the individuals in the relationship but also for children and extended family. The more structure a separation has, the less likely those affected will feel anxious, angry, and sad. Here are a few things Robinson-Brown thinks guidelines should cover:
